Phil Mercer

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sticks

 

The weekend was spent visiting my Aunt and Uncle in Celle.

It is a really quiet corner compared to Hamburg, in fact it is to Hamburg what Reigate is to London. Still it was a chance to catch up with some of my closer relatives. The irony here is that they are a good 600k further away than the rest, yet I see more of them!

One reason I love seeing them is the conversation. We are guaranteed to have had a good stab at world politics, the state of the environment, and all and sundry by the time I leave.

Bad news seems to be everywhere at the moment. While the Mercers continue to struggle with an ageing grandparent, an Aunt in a coma and an Uncle with cancer, the German wing are facing up to a close friend with a brain tumour.

With all these things it's difficult to know what to say. Watching from the sidelines and offering support where you can is about all. Life never seems more frail than when you brush with all these unfolding tragedies.

'Search for a purpose' pops back in to my head. What do I want from life? Should I follow some peoples advice (and one particularly offered by gay friends) and just look out for myself?

It's hard to argue with that, especially if you have no children to worry about. Really, why should you care what state you leave things in, just for who comes next! It will never affect you. In some ways I wish I could do that, but then a guilty feeling creeps in.

Trying to keep the good ship Phil afloat often means selfish behaviour. That is probably thanks to the legacy of my parents generation - and I'm not sure if I mean my selfishness or the state I find myself in here. My education, the state of the economy, even the stresses and strains of coming out were/are as a consequence of all the decisions made before I had any say. Obviously some of those things are positive and some negative and i cant forget my own choices in how things have panned out.

I just can't help but think that my nephews and god children are facing the same fate. Will I be able to make things better for them? If I do put effort into that and they turn out selfish as well, was it worth the effort?



Maybe another beer will help me work that out!

Labels: Hamburg, Travel

# posted by Phil @ 6:00 pm

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